A friend of mine showed me this classic post on craigslist:
$700 Gorgous Room for Rent in the Mission (mission district)
Hi, we are three early twenties males offering a room in the mission. We prefer another male but will also consider female sex slave.
The room is roughly the size of that in a prison, the bars were removed on the inside but remain on the outside. Electricity is optional, for a $75 fee. Wireless internet cuts in and out, but we have drilled a hole in the wood floor of the flat and ran a cable down our neighbors ceiling and into his cable port you can use that only if we are not using it. You may paint the room any color except pink. We hate pink and the metrosexual males who show up to bars in pink collared shirts with the collar up.
The house is a second story flat on beautiful Capp St. and 24th in the heart of the Mission. The unique neighborhood is home to young hipsters, homosexuals, Mexicans and homeless; basically all of San Francisco. It is a five minute or less walk to public transportation and is great for someone who wants to live like the upper eschelon of society.
We are three San Francisco natives. We like to get fucked up, bring home foreign women and tourists and occasionally experiment with estacy, cocaine, DMT, Hash, pretty much everything except Weed because it is illegal and bad for you. We drink a lot and occasionally mix it up with Marin kids who come into town and act like schmucks so if you come out with us one night and don't back us up we are kicking their ass, then yours. After that we will pee on you and pour trash on you, and then throw your belongings out the window until you sob and tear your eyes out like a phsycotic bitch who just got the boot after cheating on her husband with her dog, Oedipus style.
We are not very picky, but you shouldn't mind sharing your food with us. Also you should be willing to share your girlfriend and let us watch. If you are a female we prefer you are blonde or latina with a great body and huge brains. It would help your chances if you cooked and clean for us, especially if you know how to cook mexican food and like cleaning the kitchen in a thong.
We will be showing the room next weekend to prospective applicants. Don't forget to brink a 12 pack of beer for us and a pack of cigarettes for the guy who sleeps on the couch.
Another friend of mine reports from the inland empire:
Can you guys draw? This guy needs some symbols.
Wanted Crash Symbol/Ride Symbol/Hi Hat - $200
Im a student seeking inexpensive Preferably Sabian or Sildjian Crash, ride and a hi hat,( no stands needed) Must be in working condition.
I can't wait until this student learns some stuff!